Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!
  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

  • Because Marbella is on a different planet and doesn't obey any of the normal rules of life on Earth!

Spain – still smoking…

Spain – still smoking…

Smoke em if you got em

Cannabis production in Spain has grown significantly in recent years with more than 300,000 plants seized in 2015 according to the latest European Drug Report from the EU drugs agency.

The last few years has not only seen an increase in drugs imported across the Mediterranean, but also in home grown production. Seizures of cannabis plants grew by 40% in 2015.

The Spanish police captured  379, 846 plants in 2015, an amount only surpassed by those in the Netherlands and the United Kingdom, according to new data released by the European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction.

2000 caught drink or drug driving

2000 caught drink or drug driving

The Guardia Civil stepped up their alcohol and drug checkpoints over the weekend.

The move came as Spain celebrated San Juan and the first holiday weekend of the summer, with local and regional police supporting the Guardia Civil.

The checks came as the DGT has revealed that over 2000 drivers were detained for drink or drug driving during a week long campaign earlier this month.

Drivers across the country were tested at random, with over 158,000 tests carried out.

Of those tested for drugs, 33% were found to be behind the wheel under the influence of drugs including cannabis, cocaine and amphetamines, whilst over a 1000 drivers were detected to be drink driving.

Nearly 250 drivers will face court charges of dangerous driving. One person detained was a truck driver, who was five times over the drink drive limit!

Remember – Think before you drink before you drive doesn’t mean make sure you have enough booze for the journey – even in Marbella…

A bad outbreak of Banusitis!

A bad outbreak of Banusitis!

The fallout from the Banus champagne spray party that saw revelers run down by a rouge 4×4 and the subsequent police chase and huge accident continues

In a press conference Marbella mayor Jose Bernal praised the town’s emergency services in and claimed the incident demonstrated that “Marbella is a safe town” Mayor Bernal praised the “rapid and efficient response” that saw 40 police and two fire engines attend the scene of the accident, As Briton Marcus Stewart was due to appear in court, the mayor said that it was “only a small percentage that is difficult to control”

This didn’t impress everyone however “Aliens could be abducting concejales and probing them up the butt and the Mayor would still say everything’s OK,” remarked a weary Marbella surfer friend.

In the meantime the Town Hall decided it would get tough and issued a decree that public drunkenness, anti social behavior and not wearing a top would be punishable by fines. Sadly my application to be the arresting officer if any young blonde Scandinavian tourists intend to go topless was turned down.

Others turned to Social Media to voice their displeasure. Some even went as far as to sign a petition to ban ‘low class tourism’ from Marbella. Although I did stop to pause and wonder how they were going to enforce this. Perhaps an urbane, Noel Cowardesque figure could be stationed, wearing a smoking jacket on a chaise long under the Marbella arch, pale sherry in one hand, copy of Debretts in the other, to make sure those wishing to enjoy their two weeks of sunshine weren’t just too beastly for words?

Having said all that, a video of Spanish hooligans (Spoligans?) bashing seven bells out of each other outside the Wall Street nightclub, also went viral last week and proved that lack of brain cells isn’t purely a British problem.

It was a subject that I touched on when I was interviewed by a German TV crew, wanting to know what it was like being an expat on the Costa del Sol, post Brexit. (Although it has to be admitted that if I am the average British expat then we are all in deep trouble).
The German TV crew followed me around for the day, and kept remarking how beautiful Marbella was, with its Old Town, paseos, beaches and not at all how it had been reported in the media – full of tattooed bad boys, pneumatic bimbos, flash cars and all the rest.

I explained it thus. ‘The thing is this. When you have a contagious disease, you quarantine the area off so that it can run its course and won’t spread any further. And that’s what we’ve done here. We’ve had a severe outbreak of Banusitis accompanied by the usual idiotic behavior, and we’ve decided to quarantine Puerto Banus. The virus is expected to burn itself out by September 1 when they all go home and we can get on with life as normal”.

Something for the Weekend? Noche de San Juan

Something for the Weekend? Noche de San Juan

It’s one of the most eagerly awaited nights of the year

Noche de San Juan, that takes place tonight, June 23, sees thousands of people, many dressed in white, flock to the beach to enjoy this unique celebration.

In Marbella and San Pedro you will seee people leaping over bonfires and at midnight going into the Mediterranean.

According to legend the fire cleanses the body and soul while the dip in the sea washes away evil spirits.

Marbella being Marbella, of course, you can do San Juan in a variety of styles, from a three course dinner and live entertainment at a beach club, to just going with a group of friends and heading to the paseo – San Pedro is always popular. But wherever you are going to celebrate, PLEASE take your rubbish with you afterwards!

Personally, it’s going to take more than one night, a leap over a bonfire and a quick dip in the Med to cleanse me of my sins, trust me. So I’ve ordered in four tins of whitewash, a flamethrower and a water cannon. That little lot should do the trick!

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Flown by: Rockett
Photos By: Photographermarbella.com