Be warned gentle reader. My column should carry an explict content warning. I’m writing naked. No, it’s not that I’m on an undercover report on the skullduggery in nudist camps – though I’ve been begging to go on that assignment for years.
No the reason for my current state of undress is the weather. Summer has arrived early in Andalucia and the temperatures are soaring. Social Media is ablaze with posts about the heat, with photos of car dashboard temperature gauges reading 40C.
Of course, people with a warped or infantile sense of humour like myself take great pleasure reading posts such as ‘It was so hot in my bedroom that my boyfriend had to take a swim to cool down’
Cue Kenneth Williams “Ohhhhh Matron style innuendo”
Others posted that the hot weather was akin to walking into a hairdrier. Alas with my lack of hair, hairdriers are a dim and distant memory and I have to take great care not get my bald pate burnt. While living in London, I was sent over to report on the European Grand Prix in Jerez. Bits of my head that had been covered in hair when I first lived in Spain were now bald, and unused to the fierce Andalucian sun. I badly burnt my temples on both side which was bad enough, but on my return to London the sunburn scabbed over, making it look as if I had had a pair of devilish horns removed…
If you always thought that complaining about the weather was a British trait, however, you’d be wrong. The Spanish complain about it as well. In summer the summer months you will be greeted with sighs of ‘Que calor’ while winter brings an equally large sigh and ‘Que frio’. You would have thought that they would have got used it by now.
One of the many things that I love about Spain is there are no half measures with the weather. I’m from Stoke where we have 11 months of miserable drizzle, and a two week hosepipe ban in what passes for summer. In Spain the weather is more dramatic – pelting with rain, knee deep in snow up on the sierras or scorchingly hot in summer. Plus the hot weather resulted in one of Spain’s greatest contributions to world culture – the siesta.
Enjoy the summer and take my advise and stick by the pool or the beer fridge. I’m off to go and stick my head in my lake!