As the coronavirus curve apparently flattens and children have finally been allowed out for an hour – although I’m writing this on late Saturday so chances are the little so-and-so’s have gone feral and charged off with the first whiff of freedom after six weeks inside. Perhaps the “one adult with three children” rule should have been “one adult with a tazer, and three children” (and no. I don’t have kids) – what have we learnt about ourselves thus far?
1. Some people need to be deleted from your messenger account.
I don’t know about you, but in the first few days of the lockdown, I was bombarded by “funny memes”, conspiracy YouTube videos and “send this hug to your friends” messages. No I don’t. My account is where all that stuff comes to die
2. Zoom meetings are unintentionally hysterical.
There is an old saying in media that everyone gains 10 kilos in weight and loses 10 points of IQ when they go on TV. I’ve discovered the same applies to zoom meetings. Due to the camera angles I must have looked up more nostrils than an eye nose and throat specialist. If you have all the windows open, then watching the others in the meeting gurn, scratch, fidget and drink is entertainment value in itself. Being the Greek god I am, of course, I keep my camera off…
3. Driving standards haven’t improved.
You might think that with the roads virtually empty driving would be easier. No such luck. I’ve been tailgated by Moroccan plated container trucks at 80mph inches from my rear bumper, had to brake sharply to avoid other motorists careering onto roundabouts while they fiddle with their face masks and even experienced a full on road rage swearing attack from a British motorist. No change there then.
4. I expected to be better dressed for the apocalypse.
I was secretly hoping that I would look like Tom Hardy in Mad Max:Fury Road, but I find myself shuffling around in a dressing gown and slippers with an uncanny resemblance to The Big Lebowski.
5. I’m irresistible.
I kid you not. Since all this began, I have a hit rate of one a week, Unfortunately it only applies to getting pulled at Guardia Civil or Policia Nacional roadblocks, but it’s a start!